Thriving, Not Just Surviving this Summer

We will be meeting June 6th to share ideas but I know we are already starting to make summer plans.  Please post any good ideas you come across.  This is what Amber J. has planned for the summer.

Summer mornings at our house are just like normal schools day mornings.
Get up, get ready for the day.... (eat breakfast, make beds, get dress, do your chores (dishwasher, room and in the summer they get an extra chore)
They its school time- which means 10-15min of school study and then 10-15min. reading.

We are earlier risers over here and this is usually done at the latest by 10. Then its fun time.

My kids are fish so we spend a lot of our time in the water. We get passes to the Cove, there is a nice splash pad at Rancho Jurupa park for a few dollar a person.

The first tues. of the month is free admission to a few museums.
http://daytrippingmom.com/?s=museums

We are going to do Harkins summer movies this summer too.

Of course the beach and story time at the library.

 

:)

Happy Mother's Day!

I was talking with a dear friend recently about it takes a village to raise a child.  Although, we don't live in villages exactly, I am grateful for people who inspire me to be a better mother.  Mothers who help me to keep fighting the good fight, to be a little more patient when I am wearing thin, to ask for the tenth time for the child to repeat himself in a voice that is not whiny, to get up and battle after being up too many times in the night and to remember that we are all in this together.   This is an empowering video to remind us all how MIGHTY we are because we mother.  

Happy Mother's Day, my friends!

Resolving Sibling Conflicts: The Heart of the Matter

We had a wonderful meeting last Thursday!  We started our discussion about how to help our kids get along better by talking about how it's not really that we want to know how best to break up the fights--we want to know how to avoid them all together.  The principle behind the problem is, we want our children to follow the rules and love each other--so how do we accomplish this?

In their book, Siblings Without Rivalry:  How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish begin their discussion in a similar manner.  The first chapter talks about how siblings exist in families to teach each other to interact with people within their homes as well as outside their families--both in the present and in the future.  They won't necessarily become best friends, but they will learn how to be a friend and how to make friends.

In more eloquent words than these, Faber and Mazlish arm us with tools to help us and our children love each other better, and more uniquely.  In chapters 2 through 5, we learn:

• to acknowledge children's feelings of unfairness about their situation.  Listen to their concerns and teach them to show love.  Help them understand that life is full of differences, and it's not always fair.
• not to compare our children at all costs.  Try to avoid too much praise of children in front of each other, and discuss personal matters (e.g. report cards) on an individual basis.
• instead of treating children equally, (same amount of food, same amount of time together) treat them individually, and according to their needs.  Help them understand how different phases of life require different things, and that this is okay.
• to avoid sticking children in roles (always the baby, always the smart one, always the bully, etc).  Instead, focus on their current strengths and help them work through their individual weaknesses.  Encourage siblings to help each other without singling anyone out.

Finally, the inevitable:  when kids fight.  Any mom is probably already aware, there are different levels of sibling conflicts.  

1. Normal bickering:  ignore it and allow the children to resolve it themselves.  
2. Situation heats up and adult intervention may be helpful:  acknowledge their anger and both points of view.  Describe the problem respectfully, and express confidence in their ability to solve it, then leave them to it.
3. Situation possibly dangerous:  determine if it's a play fight or a real fight.  Play fights have the consent of both parties (e.g. wrestling/swords) but if it gets too rough, encourage a different activity.
4. Situation definitely dangerous:  describe what you see to the children and separate them.  Give them the opportunity to make restitution after cooling down.

On occasion, kids require help from parents to solve a big problem.  In this case, a family meeting to work out the issue is a helpful suggestion.  In these councils, take the following steps:

1. Explain the purpose of the meeting and the rules.
2. write down each child's feelings and reread them to the group.
3. Allow each child a time for rebuttal.
4. Invite everyone to come up with answers, and write them all down without evaluation.
5. Decide on a solution that suits everyone.
6. Follow-up if needed.

As a group we shared many different examples of how to treat children uniquely and how to resolve issues as a family.  A few ideas were:

• support children in individual interests, and encourage siblings to cheer each other on
• allow for independence when a child needs it
• have regular family councils where problems can be resolved if needed
• have regular family moments to acknowledge one another's strengths (e.g. "two thumbs up"--mom and dad choose one child each night who deserves two thumbs up for something they did that day.  whole family cheers for that child and applauds.  child changes each day, but not necessarily in a particular order.)
• be okay with the fact that siblings can still love each other without being best friends
• don't forget to love your children as unique individuals, acknowledging their personal strengths and needs.