Teaching Children To Be Independent

At our October meeting we discussed "The Plan" based on Merrilee Browne Boyack's book The Parenting Breakthrough.

1--"The Plan" is to introduce the child to the task you want them to gain independence on far in advance.  Ideally, use the summer to teach these skills.  Select the "trainer." This could be you but could also be a cub scout leader, or an older sibling.  Hold several "training sessions" then follow up with "practice sessions."  Use a 5x7 card to write out specifics.  For instance, cleaning your room includes: make your bed, clear your dresser off, dust, empty garbage can, vacuum, etc.

In introducing "the plan" she suggests to start during the summer, remember BALANCE, tie the passing off of training of items as privileges (great for teens--example, babysitting).  In her family, they paid allowance until age 12 and then the children were responsible for making their own money.  She also suggest using rewards...points to earn something as a family, marbles in a jar (or removed when things aren't done).   She points out that although the children are capable of completing the task on their own, it does not necessarily mean they always do it.  Example: they can make their own lunch but you do it for them occasionally. 

2--Allowance
--For chores or not???  Chores are a responsibility of being part of a family
--Money chores--outside stuff.  Pinterest has a board where all the available money chores are posted with the money then can earn
--How much to pay them and when?? Ms. Boyack suggests $1/per month of each year of age (6 year old gets $6 per month) paid on the first Saturday of the month so concepts like give (10%), save (20%), spend (70%) can be taught.
--Spending allowance--Amber shared her joy when she watched her son get in line for smoothie only to return empty handed.  When asked why, her son said "that was too much money to spend on that."  Some of us have kids who burn through whatever money they get but we have to let them experience in on their own.

We discussed how allowance/chores varies for every individual family.  Christina's kids are not given allowance but earned marbles for doing chores and could pick something out of the treasure box once they got to 10 marbles.  When asked what to about kids wanting things and they don't have allowance, she said she would have the kids write their requests for birthday or Christmas and that is when they got those things.  A great idea Marci shared was to take a picture of your kid in the store with the toy they want.  Then you have a reminder of what they want for birthday/Christmas and it satisfies their desire for gratification.  I've used this idea already with my youngest greedy child and IT WORKS!  

Morning helps:
Have a list with a check off of what they need to accomplist (buy cheap frame and use dry erase for the checks on the glass

or 
set a time so kids can watch it and know how much time they have left

What happens if your kids refuse to get ready?  Take them to school in their pajamas (let the office know why)...that will only happen once:) 

Great idea from Heather to encourage saving money.  When her kids get money for birthdays or Christmas, etc. whatever amount they save she matches and then at age 18 she will match everything in the account once again.  

The link once again by Ms. Boyack for about what your child should be accomplishing at various ages: http://www.boyacks.com/Merrilee/The%20PLAN.pdf

To help children become independent in making school lunches, Heather posted this list in her pantry to help guide their packing.

Drink
Capri Sun
Juice
Gatorade
Water 

Protein
Meat/cheese sandwich
PB sandwich
string cheese or cheese stick
pistachios or almonds
beef jerky
hard boiled egg

Fruit/Veggie
Fruit cup or applesauce
Fresh fruit (orange/apple/grapes)
Carrots/celery
Banana

Treat/Carb
Chips
Treat
Pudding cup
Ritz or graham crackers

I love this!!

Finally, we discussed the following quote
"Self-sufficiency is the yard stick to self-esteem.  The road to self sufficiency is paved with frustration, disappointment, failure, falling flat on one's face, and other equally 'unhappy' experiences.  We cannot afford to deny children with these things." --John Rosemond

How true that is!  It is difficult to watch our children struggle but if we want them to have self-esteem they must feel capable!